Lolita + something to ignore

For the Lolita newbies: Lolita fashion originated from Japan for girls/women to dress like French nobility of the 18 century (Rococo era) **but in modest attire similar to Alice in Wonderland. A few famous lolita designers are: Akinori Isobe (Baby the Stars Shine Bright), Mana (Moi-même-Moitié), and Kuniko Kato (Manifesteange Metamorphose temps de fille). A common misconception is thinking that lolita fashion has to do with Vladmir Nobokov's novel Lolita. It doesn't. You'd probably find more articles relating to this elsewhere so do that. **So this originated as a Japanese fashion, but girls and women wear lolita throughout Asia, Europe, Australia, and the Americas.

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So here I am, trying to be Lolita and thinking that I'll buy these clothes. Then I think, will I really wear these clothes after HS? When I get a job, would I incorporate it into everything I do? Would I be able to keep it up for very long? and most of all, Will my family accept that I like this kind of thing? About every one of my cousins on my dad's side of the family is obsessed with being "gangsta" and crap. Somehow, I dislike this kind of thing without any clear reason. Not that I hate them or anything, just that it's hard to open up to them when what I view as their negative qualities is all that I see. Sometimes my aunts and uncles say something about me that I find really offensive even when I'm in the same room. But I can't say anything back in my defense because I'm not that verbal with my own feelings; I don't show any sign of distress and I tend to lock everything up and use it as a reason to hate people. If you think that's total bs when I tell you this, ignore what I say. I'm not a very beautiful and elegant person, nor am I someone that everybody likes. But when my aunts criticize the way I dress and even my body, they try to change me into something that THEY want to see. And if my hair is done badly, they tell me that it's ugly- they don't try to be considerate or even try to give me something to fix it up. My hobbies are pretty damn expensive and everyone can agree on that. But if THEY're gonna view what I like and comment on that, why do they bother buying $400 handbags? Even BABY's bags don't exceed $250.

I'm not that loud of a person and I talk even less with my relatives than my friends. Most adults outside of school see me as "quiet" and even "smart". Then when I hear that and reflect I realize how different I view myself. I have to admit it. I am very hypocritical and I have something of a superiority complex. It wouldn't kill me for other people to tell me that I can be really harsh with my words, but that's the way I am and I don't really want to hurt other people's feelings.